Thursday, August 7, 2008

The other day the Boy and I went out to lunch with some good friends when rather suddenly, the friend (who incidentally is one of the Bridesmaids) casually stated that she and her mom thought we were one of the best couples they knew. Now the average person would be pleased and highly flattered at such praise but me, being slightly self-conscious about compliments (I never have learned how to graciously take one which is a cause for great concern due to the hoopla around the Engagement and Wedding), I smiled politely while the Boy thanked them with a huge grin spread across his face.

But this got me thinking about the relationship and wondering: if we indeed are a good couple (I hesitate to label us “one of the best”), do I sometimes take that for granted? And the answer is, much to my chagrin, yes. I do and I believe the Boy sometimes does as well. In all the messiness that defines much of our lives, the opposing schedules and our increasingly overwhelming workloads, I think we both assume that the other is too busy to mind that our separate lives keep us apart even in the middle of trying to plan the special day to formally join our lives together. Which can sometimes leave me stressed out and a little cranky and emotional and the Boy is left wondering where the ball of emotions stems from.

To alleviate some of my worries, I phoned a very good friend who went through her own harried wedding planning to marry a wonderful man and she helped me to realize that finding time with your partner is hard work and that even though a relationship seems to be good to the outside perspective, it can be fraught with many obstacles in the middle. Take for instance, the Boy’s and my schedules are vastly different and this makes it very hard to find time for one another. We’ve managed to mitigate much of the effects by trying to find little ways of showing that we care: leaving notes, calling/texting messages, staying up a bit later than normal just to be awake to say good night as the other comes home, fixing things before being asked to.

In the middle of all this trying to find good solid couple time together to keep this “best couple” relationship full steam ahead, we’ve also got a wedding to plan. Could we have picked a more demanding time to get married? It seems to me that when my friend unknowingly told us that we were one of the best couples, it opened up a can of stressful worms in my head.

So in the spirit of such thought-provoking off-the-cuff remarks, I want to make one (or many, I’m sure) list reminding myself what this wedding really is all about:

1. The wedding is the NOT the end all be all. I repeat, the wedding Is NOT the best day of our loves but just the celebration marking the beginning of our lives together as husband and wife.
2. Does it really matter what flowers go on what table or that the bird cages aren’t filled with the just the right what’s it or that my mom has somehow managed to arrive at the wedding wearing purple and orange? In the end, what counts is that everyone has a good time and we have fantastic memories shared with the very closest loved ones.
3. Shoes. Sure, I love them as any woman does but in the end, I’d rather be comfortable than wear the most expensive stylish pair in the world. Oh, but if I could find cute and comfortable shoes, it would be divine.
4. Yes, the Boy likes to joke around; as in telling puns, because he thinks they are funny. Not everyone else does. But should I, the bride, tell him he is forbidden from doing so at the wedding? Never. Besides the sense of humor, he’s a wonderfully kind and caring man who goes out of his way to make sure everyone around him is taken care of, comfortable, and having a good time. His calm and easy going manner is a striking balance to my somewhat neurotic manner. After all, even if it’s not exactly everyone’s cup of tea as far as humor goes, it’s one of the reasons I love him, puns and all.
5. Be sure to thank and spend some quality time with all those dear folks who took the time out of their busy schedule to spend our day with us. The day will be so hectic with all the chaos that seems to surround weddings that it will be hard to remember that these folks have flown and/or driven out to witness the start of our marriage. Be kind and have fun with them.
6. Laugh. A lot.
7. Find some time to tell the Boy how much you love him and are so proud to be his wife finally.
8. Don’t stress about things matching or “going.” As B told me in our wonderful conversation, seemingly incongruous elements will go together because they go together in you. How’s that for a compliment?

Will this good couple make it to the altar minus tears and tantrums? I hope so and mean to give it a good try. On that note, let the festivities begin…


Bess said...

Blessings on your head (mazel tov, mazel tov). Can I take some credit for the birdcage idea? :)

word bird said...

Yes, do. It's adorable just like you.